This was it. He looked down at the lonely alley, which was nothing more than a dead-end, littered with soaked cardboard and rusty garbage containers. The walls of the building around were covered with years-old stains nobody cared to clean. On the other side, there was a road, and after it, a seemingly never-ending ocean spreading as far as the eye can see to the east. Its surface was still, perfectly mirroring the stars.
The man looked again at the spot below him. It was still such a clear image in his mind. His first kill. His first meal. Just the thought of it made his mouth drool. He leaned onto the dirty wall, retaking control. After a moment, he sighed, relieved. Another week, another day, and he would lose it. He would kill again. But he wouldn’t allow it.
Decades and decades passed, maybe even centuries for all he knew since he had died. He stopped counting such a long time ago. In the beginning, he was nothing more than a rabid animal. Killing all he saw, everyone he smelled. It started with the man whom he had killed just in this place. His stomach growled again, hissing at him for not giving it food. But after a moment, he managed to clear his mind. The first man he killed was an old and drunk homeless man. Nobody cared for him, and nobody searched for him after. The man’s blood was tainted and foul, but he drank every last drop. Only then did the primal within him drew back, allowing him to see what he had done. The man tasted horrible, yet he could think of nothing else but his blood, rich in alcohol.
He killed many more, of course. Years passed while the city grew, and he killed the young and the old equally. The men went abroad to fight a war, but he continued killing, mostly women. Only a few returned from the war, yet he continued. Nothing else was important. Nothing else mattered.
Back then, even back when he was mostly an animal resembling a human, he never let the men and women survive. That would be worse than the quick death he offered so plentifully back then. To let anyone live would mean to share his curse. The sliver of humanity left in him forbade it.
The world changed around him, and yet he mostly thought about his next kill. Gradually, that very sliver of humanity cried out, overpowering the animal who craved death. He tried to lay off, to starve himself to death. It never worked. Three times he tried, three times he regained his mind while feasting over a freshly killed body.
This was the only way.
The cold dawn breeze shuffled his coat and the man in the dead-end alley shivered, although he didn’t feel cold. He looked up. The stars were soon to fade. He looked east, over the ocean. There, so far away, a spec of yellow appeared. Soon.
This was the only way.
He took a deep breath, discovering the faint, but ever-so-alluring smell of sleeping humans around him. He took off his hat, his scarf that covered the majority of his face, and his coat. Bone-white skin shivered as the air touched it. As the man took a breath, his ribs would appear, carrying barely any muscle that hadn’t atrophied. They begged for either death or food.
The man turned towards the ocean, spreading his arms. The kiss of the Sun. Something within him screamed. Raged against, struggled. Run, hide, his mind yelled. Run, run, run, RUN RUN RUN RUN RUN RRRRRR
No. This was the only way.
He took his last breath and held it. The Sun’s fingers were hungrily reaching over the ocean’s surface, trying to touch him.
Something appeared within him, something odd and forgotten. Is this fear? He thought. Will it hurt? He reckoned it will. He deserved it, after all. He wanted his muscles to be flailed away from bones, and his eyes to be scorched. He shivered, as the warm sunlight started encroaching into the alley. The voice in his mind cried out, but the man refused to listen. He remembered the man that he had killed oh so many years ago.
Did he feel pain? As my fingers and teeth dug deep into his flesh?
The rays touched his boots. They were coated in three layers of thick leather, and yet, he felt unfamiliar heat. His dead heart, which barely ever beat, was now playing the drums. The sun started climbing up his legs, up to his uncovered torso.
He closed his eyes. He didn’t dare beg for forgiveness. He just wanted it to end.
